Socially Speaking

Mastering The Art Of Self Expression

Socially Speaking
  • Home
  • “SPEAK UP” Coaching
  • Blog
  • Contact Us

Communication

Go With What You Know

Go With What You Know

  • CommunicationPublic Speaking

You’re never more real or convincing then when you’re talking about that which you know best and have experienced the most.

There are things in your head that just bubble to the surface with confidence, like a flannel shirt that you’ve worn 100 times, you don’t have to guess what it’ll feels like, you know it so well it just “is.”

That’s your sweet spot.

Conversely, the moments when I’ve personally attempted to “wing it” or talk about a something I’m not really familiar with, have not gone so good. So if you’re searching for content or looking to do a Facebook Live, go with the things in your strike zone and talk about what you know best so the authenticity shines through and you’re compelling by way of confidence.

Here’s a great example, as a young writer I always watched people pen editorials and columns about things they weren’t all too familiar with while I stuck to the things I knew about quite well such as exercise , relationships and sports And what do you know, my columns got read and theirs didn’t. Why? Because my content was raw and relatable. I went to the gym 25 hours a day  I failed at every relationship I entered and I watched more sports than Norm at Cheers  At the time, I could’ve never written or spoke about marriage , raising children or running a business .

Now I feel like I know enough about those topics to connect and educate my audience very well..

Novelist D.H. Lawrence said “when genuine passion moves you, say what you’ve got to say, and say it hot.”

Because when you say it hot and say it from experience, it shows, therefor making your point and your mission heard

Express Yourself

Express Yourself

  • CommunicationPublic SpeakingThe Lighter Side - HumorUncategorized

When it comes to expressing yourself, I have two simple rules.

.

No. 1 “Go with what you know”.

No. 2 “Don’t be vanilla”.

 

Do you know who rode that philosophy to success way before I did?

 

O’Shea Jackson.

 

Well, you may know him better as Ice Cube. When he burst on the scene with N.W.A. in 1986 with a type of rap that was anything but mainstream, the world took notice.

 

Yea, people freaked out a bit with talk of street gangs, police brutality and drugs but that was reality for Ice Cube growing up, that’s what he knew best, so that’s what he spoke about with the most conviction and passion.

 

Unconventional yes. But you know what it wasn’t? BORING!!

 

When the song “Express Yourself” was released in 1989 let’s just say it was one of N.W.A.’s tamer songs, as it’s devoid of profanity. Still it was so from the heart and so straight forward that it reached across the country and permeated “the burbs”. I had the cassette tape and knew every single lyric by heart. Still do.

 

Aren’t we all just tying to express ourselves? My point is not for you all to pick up and start dropping F-bombs and rapping but rather to illustrate that when you “express yourself with your full capabilities” it works best because you know it best.

 

Ask yourself, what are you most passionate and know best. Then ask yourself, “how can I capitalize on that and capture my audiences imagination in the short-attention-span world of social media?

You see, there have been many times in my career when I strayed from those two simple rules. I either stepped outside my sphere of knowledge or I became too scripted and tried to imitate somebody else and it became boring.

 

The beautiful thing about the social media world we live in today is that it welcomes all types, there’s a space and a platform for everybody. That is as long as you are authentic and don’t bore your audience.

 

Engage in learning the skills to get where you want to go and trust in the process, that whatever you’re doing right now, whatever you’re training at, will lead to bigger things that you never imagine.

 

Captivate Yourself

Captivate Yourself

  • BusinessCommunicationConnectingPersonal DevelopmentUncategorized

We all work hard, but for what? To achieve a level of happiness of course. We each have those unique things that bring us joy. For me, it’s the quest for the ultimate mid-century party room to retreat and entertain guests.

It’s a reflection of my personality, and if I can captivate myself, I can captivate my friends. I don’t want the same thing everybody else has, I prefer to put my own unique stamp on the world and I encourage you to do the same. Fall in love with what really inspires you, not what everybody else has or does. Life is so much more FUN when you live it that way.

Follow The Leader

Follow The Leader

  • CommunicationFeaturedLesson LearnedPersonal DevelopmentUncategorized

 

jesus-sermononthemount-by-bloch-3Wouldn’t you agree that the goal of every great leader is to create more leaders? Or should we say, more teachers perhaps?

It’s been said that the greatest teacher of all time was in fact just a simple carpenter.

However, Jesus never picked up a pen. Never wrote down a single word. Yet his teachings have been published more than any other book. More than two billion people adhere to his words some 2000 years after his death.

Juxtapose him with Genghis Khan, the great Mongolian ruler, known for his brutality as a savage warrior. He conquered lands four times the size of those taken by Alexander the Great, ruling the largest empire ever established, stretching from the Caspian Sea to the Sea of Japan, spanning over 700 tribes and cities.

Yet he was illiterate and could neither read nor write.

 

how-to-draw-genghis-khan-genghis-khan_1_000000015331_5Their commonality? Obviously not their penmanship or social media savvy. Yet they possessed an ability to move people to action that was unprecedented at their time and still impresses us today in the modern era.

Although diametrically opposed, these two historical figures ability to lead, be it via savagery or love, spoke volumes about their ability to transcend the pages of history. The benevolent preacher of Bethlehem and the brutish barbarian of Asia led people to action massive action, one with kindness and an army of 12, the other with savagery and a fighting force of more than 120,000.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that those of you reading this neither have the wisdom of Jesus nor the ferocity of Khan, but don’t worry that doesn’t exempt you from being an epic leader.

But I will ask you these questions; How are you leading today? Your family? Your business? Yourself?

No matter where you are on a scale of one to 10, there is room to improve. And to help you, I’m going to give you three of my favorite things to concentrate on if your goal is indeed to be a better leader.

 

BE RESOLUTE

One of my favorite leaders in history is Margaret Thatcher. Dubbed the “Iron Lady,” she was the first female Prime Minister of Great Britain and the longest serving Prime Minister of the 20th century, serving from 1975-1990.

Margaret Thatcher, British Conservative Prime Minister from 1979 to 1990, circa 1990. (Photo by Terry O'Neill/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

Not known as a dynamic speaker early in her career, she gained respect instead for being courageous and resolute in her ideals and decision making. A person of conviction who was known for not following the crowd and making the hard decisions. Leading Britain out of a recession and assisting Ronald Reagan in the ending of the Cold War, Thatcher was never short on chutzpah.

She was bold. She was brash. She was ahead of her time, serving during a period when the glass ceiling was still very much in tact, gaining power 40 years prior to Hillary Clinton’s history making nomination here in the states. Thatcher herself is on record for saying there would never be a female Prime Minister in her lifetime…until she proved herself wrong.

One of my favorite quotes of hers is “Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”

 

WALK THE WALK

The best teachers lead by example, they not only talk the talk, they walk the walk. Being a leader is a lot more difficult than standing on a soapbox and telling people what they should be thinking, although I know somebody on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave who does a pretty good job of it.

However, there was a former resident at that same address who epitomized the notion.

Theodore Roosevelt was born into a prominent New York City family. The Roosevelts were socialites, certainly considered higher class. Young Theodore attended Harvard University and would become Assistant Secretary of the Navy. But that’s where the story begins. He solidified his place in history as a courageous leader of men by fighting side by side on the battlefield with the men he commanded. He certainly didn’t believe in asking things of his men which he wasn’t willing to do himself, even if that meant risking his life.

roosevelt-t-painting-on-horseback

You’ve heard of the famous Rough Riders with which he rode during the Spanish American War?  They called him “the Bullmoose” or “the Lion”, sometimes even “the Happy Warrior”, and indeed he kept parts of his socialite past, even going so far as to have his military uniform tailored by Brooks Brothers. But on the other hand Teddy, as most of us know him today, wasn’t afraid to get it dirty and mix it up.

In June 1898, while leading troops in an advance toward the San Juan River, Roosevelt took shrapnel to the wrist when a bomb blew up by him. He pushed on, riding his horse until they reached a wire fence. From there he dismounted and led a charge up what was known as Kettle Hill. Of the five men he charged with, three fell wounded among gunfire. Roosevelt, returned to his line and heatedly confronted the remaining men for not following.

Offering a few choice words of encouragement, he returned to the font lines and held his position.

That was certainly his M.O., choosing actions over words. But when he spoke, it was powerful. One of his more famous lines that has resonated throughout history and is still used quite often today is “speak softly and carry a big stick”. Personally, being a huge proponent of personal responsibility, I find that my favorite line from the 25th President is “If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.” In other words, don’t blame others, look inward.

Brilliant!

37fa56fd2a449a92338c54082c0ca8ca

VISION


Where there is no vision, the people perish. —Proverbs 29:18

So perhaps you see it, but do the ones you’re leading see it?

Casting a vision is crucial to achieving success at any level, and here is where this story gets a little personal.

Lets go back four years. My wife and I are new parents of a six-month-old baby girl. We’re living a “good life” but not a “great life”, each working 50 plus hours a week while doing our best doubling down as day care providers to our newborn child.

We’re living over 500 miles away from our closest relatives and struggling to find our niche in life. At the time, we were five months into a side project which was beginning to get our attention. What began as some extra income to pay our utility bills was quickly escalating into a blossoming career, nearly replacing both our salaries.

One day at a January convention in Phoenix my wife and I hear a man speak his vision to the attentive audience. To “free the world from both physical and financial pain”. His wife joins him on stage and adds “we are a legacy company, something that will be around for your children’s children.”

My wife and I confidently look at one another and say to each other the same thing, “we are all in!”

We leave the so-called safety of corporate America and do just that, go all in.

But why? The reason was vision. We saw another couple stand in front of us that day and articulately lay out a vision for their company that included us and the role we could play in it. That was important to us. They spoke to our spirits and our heart’s desires. So much so that we “burned the ships” and said we either do this or die trying.

But it was the vision. A clear and concise statement delivered with conviction and certainty that pushed us in that direction so willingly.

img_3415

In author Dan Quiggle’s book Lead Like Reagan he says “those around you are listening for the way in which you articulate vision, analyzing whether they think they can fulfill it, and deciding what role they could or should play in it. They are gauging your level of passion and enthusiasm, and based on that, they will determine the level of energy or effort they want to exert in helping fulfill it.”

At that conference, the vision was said with such passion and confidence that my wife and I decided we’d play a major role.

One of the most influential motivators in my life has been Author Lisa Nichols. Having read her books, hearing her speak several times and being coached one-on-one by her on a special occasion, I often seek out her wisdom when it comes to leadership. And one thing that Nichols said kept resonating with me over and over during the last couple years since taking that leap of faith. She said “people are more comfortable with a familiar discomfort than they are with an unfamiliar new possibility.”

Wow, how true is that?

My wife and I continually refer to it as “groundhog day syndrome.” It’s very much like Albert Einstein’s famous definition of insanity; doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Yet it happens, in my opinion, a majority of the time, to most people. They fear taking the lead so they do the opposite, they follow. The follow the path of monotony right to their grave.

I often ask myself what if”, what if that couple didn’t cast that vision that day? Where would I be?

Certainly not here, talking to you.

 

Sibling Rivalry Talk

Sibling Rivalry Talk

  • CommunicationRelationships

step_brothers8Everybody remembers when Dale and Brennan asked one another “did we just become best friends?” in the movie Stepbrothers.

We remember Tommy greeting Paul at the door saying, “brothers don’t shake hands, brothers hug” in Tommy Boy.

And who could forget a frustrated Jan Brady complaining “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia” in the Brady Bunch.

Literally since the beginning of time there have been sibling rivalries.

(ex. See Cain and Able.)

sibling fightFrom the timeless “frog-in-the-leg” during the teen years to the inebriated insult at the holiday dinner table as adults, so many factors go into the sibling rivalry. There’s the obvious, age, birth order and gender, but what about the less obvious, inherited neuroticism, who got the good genes vs. bad genes and which kid stuck around home long enough to really get the good stuff from mom and dad.

How we all talk to our brothers or sisters is probably more similar than we think, equal parts “I will knock you out” vs. “don’t anybody talk about my sibling or you’ll have to deal with me”.

Am I right?

Whether you’re trading harmless insults at a dysfunctional Thanksgiving or slamming tequila shots at a family wedding, there’s always that one sibling that goes too far and goes off the board with something uncalled for.

And of course for bigger families the alliances between siblings change more often than the Democratic platform. Sister (A) could be your best friend one day and then the target of your aggression the next when you team up with sister (B) to keep everybody in check.

Down the line, everybody gets older and people start getting married. That’s when you get an entirely new dynamic. The brother/sister-in-law is often like the new kid in school, off limits at first until you feel them out but certainly fair game after they put some time in.752ec82455f210c82d562d743f0c930b

Most can relate to the one sibling who does more, leaving the others to throw up their hands and say, “we get it, you’re the perfect one. You’re never wrong and the one who always does everything”. This can be the catalyst to push further into a war of words or can be the point at which everybody cracks up and hugs it out.

Socially speaking, the relationships we have with our siblings will always be the ones we cherish. The blood bond is a strong one. So make sure you never forget that blood is thicker than water.

American humorist Sam Levenson said it best when he wrote “Siblings are children from the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together”

What Language Is My Spouse Speaking??

What Language Is My Spouse Speaking??

  • CommunicationRelationshipsSpouse

Sometimes I feel like it would be easier to do a Chinese Crossword puzzle on a rollercoaster than to understand how men and women communicate with one another.

And although I’ve studied it for more than 30 years, I don’t speak fluent female and I’m not sure I ever will.

Allow me to use a piece of cinematic masterpiece in order to illustrate my point. (more…)

Three simple things (that you’re probably not doing) that will make you a better friend, lover, or business person

Three simple things (that you’re probably not doing) that will make you a better friend, lover, or business person

  • BusinessCommunicationConnectingSpouse

Interpersonal communication, the process by which people exchange information, feelings, and meaning through verbal and non-verbal messages (AKA face-to-face communication) is vital to our growth and success in any type of relationship.

Is it as some say, “a lost art”? No. It’s basic instinct we need to reconnect with. Just take one trip to a mall or sit in the airport and observe and its not hard to see, as a society, we seem to be regressing in the way we communicate with one another in person. It’s the head down, buried in your device, repercussions of living in this day and age.

…And, it could be killing your love life, your friendships and your chances at success. Time to get back to basics with three simple things. (more…)

Keepin’ It Real, Like a Kid

Keepin’ It Real, Like a Kid

  • CommunicationConnectingLesson Learned

A little “foot in my mouth” story for you. Every time my daughter steps onto the mat at her Tae Kwon Doe class they have to say the word of the month.

Last month it was “Communication”.

So I sat and watched 7 toddlers huddle around the instructor as he lectured them on what the word means.

“What’s communication mean?” he asked.

“Talking to people,” the kids answered.

“What makes good communication,” he asked. (more…)

Recent Posts

  • Self-Doubt
  • You Only Get One Body
  • Fathers And Their Daughters
  • Joyful Marketing
  • From Fear To Freedom

Categories

  • Business
  • Communication
  • Connecting
  • Featured
  • Lesson Learned
  • Personal Development
  • Public Speaking
  • Relationships
  • Spouse
  • The Lighter Side – Humor
  • Uncategorized

Find Me On Social Media

  • Facebook
  • Instagram

Join The Club

Join The Club

Learn More about the "SPEAK UP" Coaching Program

Recent Blog Posts

  • Self-Doubt
    August 29, 2018 - 6:14 pm
  • You Only Get One Body
    May 22, 2018 - 10:54 pm
  • Fathers And Their Daughters
    May 17, 2018 - 11:06 pm
  • Joyful Marketing
    May 17, 2018 - 9:19 pm
  • From Fear To Freedom
    May 17, 2018 - 9:16 pm

What’s Up On Instagram

No images found!
Try some other hashtag or username

Connect With Me!

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
Send Me A Note

© 2016 - Socially Speaking

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Terms and Agreement
  • Website Created By: HarderMedia
  • Home
  • “SPEAK UP” Coaching
  • Blog
  • Contact Us